Pinkcast 4. Advice from Bob Sutton: Do people leave encounters with you
with more energy or less?
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LINKS: Rob Cross’s research: What Creates Energy in
Organizations? | Charged Up: Managing the Energy That Drives Innovation.
Bob Sutton’s last 3 books: Sca...
8 years ago
4 comments:
I saw your interview on CBN Asia and it was such a nice testimony on how God moves even in our relationships. I've heard your testimony at NuComm prior to the telecast. Likewise, it's a blessing indeed. I have some reservations regarding your opinion on short term engagements. I have a friend who had a similar situation, got married almost a year after getting to know each other. Both are Christians & active in church. A year after their marriage, they started to discover their differences. Now they are living separately, not legally separated, with their own parents and still trying to rediscover themselves. I guess your situation is unique because it was prayed for by alot of individuals. My concern is for those who will be diving into married life without enough spiritual back-up. I hope God blesses us with a married life like yours. It's an inspiration. By the way, I was blessed by your message on "Waiting". I was in a bit of depression lately because of the Valentine season. It fun & hard to be single, especially if you're in your 30's.:-) God bless & continue touching lives.
Dear Anonymous,
First off, I'd like to say that I hope you will reveal your identity
to me kahit in the privacy of this email exchange so that we can
respect each other as we share our thoughts. I appreciate your honesty
and concern and take seriously the issue that you bring up.
Thank you for appreciating mine and Beth's testimony on CBN Asia. And
you're absolutely right in saying that our story is very unique and
our situation is inimitable.
As for your concern about my belief and conviction regarding short
engagements, you should secure a copy of my message on "Dating" which
is the first message in the series "Dating, Mating, and Waiting." This
may provide you with some context regarding my statements on short
engagements.
To summarize it, though I believe in short engagements, I also believe
in long courtships. And I use courtship as an alternative to modern
dating. It takes time to know if a person is God's will for you. In
the example that you cite regarding your friends, it seems that they
only spent a year getting to know one another. And unless they
underwent a specific and intentional process of courtship, I dont
believe one year would have been enough for 2 strangers to process
what they needed to process to know each other well enough to marry.
Perhaps, when you reveal to me who you are, we can spend some time
discussing my thoughts on courtship and what that should involve?
Thanks for emailing me. I do appreciate your feedback and welcome
anything you may have to say.
Blessings!
My apologies for not affixing even my first name. I guess that's what I feel or chose to be ("anonymous")when I attend your services. My name is Chris and I have been a Christian for 15 years now. I used to attend a large Assemblies of God church in QC. I taught their Sunday School for 10 years. When I reached my senior year in Med School, I resigned my post as teacher because of the hospital duties. I then transferred to another church (Crossroads 77) for two reasons: to be "anonymous" in church (to be away from a lot of church hypocrisy, intrigues and position grabbing); and because a classmate of mine happens to be a churchmate.
I've been attending your services for quite some time now. I'm happy to know that you have the same dynamism as Crossroad77, regarding worship & Christian life in this modern era. To tell you frankly, I drive all the way from QC or sometimes from the hospital that I train-in just to hear the sermon at NuComm. Lately, Pastor Butch Conde seems to expound on his opinions on certain political issues than on the Word of God. I have nothing against him, but people I know who attend their services seem to think so. Anyway, that's besides the point. I heard all your messages on "Dating, Mating & Waiting", and I plan to grab a copy of that message & share it to my friends. Actually, I was hoping I could find excerpts of it in your blogspot, that's why I checked on your website.
I have been so active in the dating scene 5 years ago & lately was revived but it died a natural death. It is really a "meat market". Every other week, I date a different person, sometimes not knowing what they look like, because I met them through the Internet - chat, classifieds, you name it. True, I filtered out those who have "good" intentions, but still the bottom line is to have a collection to choose from later on. There were a lot of time wasted, money spent, and emotions played around. It was a battle who will give in first. To complicate things, it wasn't heterosexual. Yes, you read that right. It wasn't a typographical error.
I belong to a growing few who struggles with the demands of singleness but also complicated with "identity" issues. Sometimes I don't relate to certain aspects on dating & waiting because probably it will not apply because of my "queer" behavior or preference. Society immediately labels a streotype on such individuals and indirectly imposes them a role to play, thus limiting their capability to explore the right relationships. Our culture has had a mindset that they should encourage their children to marry. It's been programmed for parents to ask their children, especially when reaching 30's, when they are going to get married. Others would even go great lengths to find a partner for their son/daughter, as if it's a curse that their child will be single.
I was so encouraged when you quoted Paul in 1 Corinthians 7, when he said, "I wish that all men were as I am...Now to the unmarried...It is good for them to stay unmarried." At least there is someone who encourages singleness and being proud of it. However, with these ever changing generation, there is another group breeding that stems out from homosexuality. Straight-acting gays are in, or pseudo bisexuals. These group chose to be single, by choice, because a heterosexual relationship is much burdensome. Having same sex relationship carries a relatively few responsiblities & problems. A major attraction is that no one gets pregnant anyway. I have to admit, I am guilty of this. The major drawback is a vicious cycle of loneliness, depression, and insatiability. Point is, I do hope the church provide a haven for these people and have a separate, probably confidential support group to cater to their needs. They are in hiding & are growing in numbers. So far I have attended such gatherings one led by Rene Gomez at Word Community Church, years back. Then 2 years ago, at CCF, Freedom Ministry led by Vince Santiago. Unfortunately, I lost contact with him and he now transferred to Bread from Heaven.
Sorry for this lengthy comment. I guess I said the gist of I want to share.
Thanks for taking time to reply back. God bless you.
Hey Chris, thanks for being so honest. I really appreciate the way you've articulated your journey and what's been going on inside you. I hope that you will find the NuComm church family a safe place and that you discover the grace of God working in your heart.
I can see that He must be working his grace in you despite the struggles that you've been going through from what you shared.
Sexual identity issues seem to strike so deepl in our culture. It really strikes a chord in me that the church needs to make a difference in this area.
If ever you feel comfortable enough to introduce yourself to me, I'd love to explore the possibilites of developing a ministry to bring healing in such an important area of life.
In the mean time, please do enjoy the environment we are trying to create at the church. And I hope you can make some really good friends at NuComm sometime soon.
Blessings to you...
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